Soul Bruises
As a lifelong believer in Christ, I have grown weary of watching harm occur in our spiritual settings. I'm sick and tired of just trying to pretend it isn’t happening or feeding myself the delusional fact that spiritual abuse isn’t a cancer within not only the church setting but also metastasizing to areas outside religious institutions.
This is why Soul Bruises podcast was created. Why this podcast is dedicated to the exposure, education and hopeful eradication of spiritual abuse in all settings. Whether you relate to my experience or have your own views on the topic I hope that you will find the Soul Bruises podcast will offer a fair and comprehensive perspective on the topic.
Whether you're a spiritual leader, member of a church, or don't even have any affiliation with God or the church I want to challenge your assumptions regarding this topic so I hope you tune in.
With each episode I hope you gain a clearer understanding of what spiritual abuse is, how is shows up in religious and other settings, who and what it affects and why it must be addressed in a purposeful and honest way.
Soul Bruises
Episode 9 - Dismantling the Illusion of Sacred Coercion - Spiritual Abuse Tactic & Behavior 3 of 12 - Control
Ever felt the discomfort of a conversation that doesn't seem right in a spiritual setting? I, Christie, pull back the curtain on the darker side of faith communities, spotlighting the fine line between spiritual guidance and coercive control. With an eye on those who twist faith for their own benefit, Soul Bruises attempts to peel back the layers to reveal behaviors and tactics that harm and control, rather than heal and guide.
With insights from author Amanda Montell, we delve into the power of language in high-control groups, showing how words can build walls around minds. Charismatic leaders, such as Jim Jones, used their oratory prowess to bind their followers in an alternate reality. I want this episode to equip you to recognize these patterns and resist their pull. This episode challenges the notion that only certain types of people are susceptible to cultish influence; it's not about intellect, but situation. Hear how thought-terminating clichés serve as red flags, and learn to navigate speech that's designed to end questioning.
Ending on a note of empowerment, we navigate the treacherous waters of spiritual communities led by narcissistic individuals. The misuse of scripture and faith through intimidation and fear is laid bare, urging us to foster environments that welcome questions and personal growth. The touchstone for a healthy faith community, as we will explore, is the ability to engage openly with religious teachings and to prioritize individual discernment. Discover how to recognize spiritual abuse and the importance of reclaiming personal spiritual agency in a space that should champion exploration and diversity of thought.
"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."
Hello, my friends and fellow soul defenders. My name is Christie and this is Soul Bruises, a podcast devoted to taking a closer look at spiritual abuse. First, I want to thank those returning to this podcast. Your involvement, whether it's just listening and taking notes, is vital to this topic. I hope you find this material valuable and are inspired to use it in meaningful ways. To those new to the Soul Bruises podcast, welcome.
Christie Hodson:I'm fully aware that the content of this podcast can be heavy and intense. Spiritual abuse is never an easy topic to discuss, let alone expose it, but staying silent is not an option. So here I am and here you are, so let's talk about it. I recognize that this material can be triggering and traumatizing for some, so please consider your mental health before you engage with this material. If, at any point, you feel uncomfortable about the content due to past or present trauma, please do not ignore what your mind and body are telling you and choose the decision that is best for you to make. Please know that you are not alone and that I'm here to support you.
Christie Hodson:In creating this podcast, my aim was to expose spiritual abuse in all its ugly glory. A portion of that exposure will come from a comprehensive list of 12 tactics and behaviors indicative of spiritual abuse and commonly present in other abuse examples as well. These elements of spiritual abuse behavior seem to be present in much of the spiritual abuse experienced. These behaviors have entered the realm of religious environments, possessing the heart and mind of both religious and spiritual leaders and followers against those inside and outside the church walls. Often, these tactics have often been disguised through the skilled manipulation of an abuser by using deception as their primary weapon, which is why deception was the first tactic spoken on this podcast. Check out episode 6 on Deception and Lies.
Christie Hodson:The exploitation of the soul begins at the hands of a spiritual predator when the victim's talents are corrupted to serve the predator's desire, all at the expense of the victim. When an abuser is left unchallenged and not held accountable, abusers hone their skills, getting more and more proficient and precise. Often, their spiritually abusive acts are hidden behind a deceptive facade of goodness. Are hidden behind a deceptive facade of goodness. Through this act of concealment, they become like wolf in sheep's clothing. Some of these abusive tactics morph into what I refer to as the spiritual abuse triad, which consists of power, control and authority. In the spiritual context, these three tactics, when healthfully braided together, create the highest potential for our dynamic spiritual leadership. When braided with malicious intent or personal greed, they can pave the path for an individual to become a master of spiritual abuse.
Christie Hodson:Power, as was mentioned in the previous podcast, is the ability to influence the behavior and action of others directly and indirectly, including empowering others to do what they need to do to influence others. In the context of spiritual abuse, an asymmetry of power between a person and some kind of spiritual authority is exploited and used to harm. In this episode I'm going to address another strand in that spiritual abuse braid, that being the concept of control. Defined control is the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events. As was the case with power, we all have control. Even the tiny infant can use their blood-curdling cries for food, a cuddle or a diaper change. Adults hear that cry and answer it by then using their control to take care of the situation. The child's cries and small amount of control hopefully direct the parents to fulfill the perceived need of the child. Simply speaking, our sleep patterns are being controlled by the smallest of human beings and ultimately we wouldn't have it any other way. A rebellious teenager attempts control through their acts of defiance to the rules set out by parents. For all the parents that have experienced this time period of parenting with your adolescent, you know full well what I mean when I say. You sometimes just feel out of control because of this challenge to your authority. Yet for them to launch from the family nest you have created, this behavior, though annoying, is normal in so many ways. They too feel this out-of-control feeling, and it falls on us, as parents, to teach them how to use their control in a productive, respectful and honorable way. Just in parenting alone, the concept of how to use our control in constructive ways is quite challenging. How, then, do we use control in the realm of spiritual abuse? We can often see how it's poorly used in obvious ways, but how about subtle ways? This episode is going to dive into both of those approaches, so let's take a look at those.
Christie Hodson:In the context of spiritual abuse, control takes on a deeply destructive and twisted nature. Control in this context is used to assert power over another human being, driven solely by the abuser's selfish desires and wants, often using their authority in concert with their power, to exert that control over another human soul, regardless whether their actions align with moral or Christ-like principles. Too often, these actions are contaminated with holy words of justification, further obscuring their true character and motive. This is the sick reality that is spiritual abuse. One of the most detrimental and harmful ways control manifests itself is through the actions of cults and, specific to spiritual abuse, religious cults. Another prevalent manifestation is seen in the actions of a hubristic leader, who often employs narcissistic behaviors to exert dominance and showcase control over their followers. Lastly, control is exercised through indoctrination and suppression of independent thought. All of these topics will be explored further in future episodes, so I will only be scratching the surface on them. Thought suppressors' use of control to feed their self-serving objectives and agendas again highlights the significant overlap in these tactics of spiritual abuse. This makes it challenging to neatly categorize or study them in isolation, further indicating how spiritual abuse is a holy mess causing holy harm.
Christie Hodson:To start off, let's examine the difference between guidance and control and why that distinction matters. As a spiritual leader, you have the opportunity to guide those you serve through the struggles of life by offering a message of love. Joy. By offering a message of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. By introducing them to grace and forgiveness, by guiding them toward truth, by showing them ways to walk in humility, by teaching and empowering them to be a leader one day. This teaching process helps shepherd them to be a spiritual leader. This positive aspect of control lies in its capacity to offer guidance, allowing one to exert one's power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events.
Christie Hodson:Differing from the overpowering control that asserts dominance over another, guidance is about empowering others, showing them that there is a more effective way of teaching that doesn't take away their agency. One of the best examples of this, in my opinion, was Jesus. He was called rabbi by his disciples, which in Hebrew means my teacher or my master. He taught his disciples. They listened and asked questions. They followed him and learned from him. They imitated him. He directed them to his Father God. This was his way of guiding them toward truth. He had the ability to exert his dominance over them, but instead empowered them to serve and guide others.
Christie Hodson:Guidance involves using knowledge and advice to empower someone to make good decisions in their life that will, in turn, help them choose a path towards becoming a moral and ethical person who is highly respected. It often involves teaching disciplined boundaries. Unfortunately, the control exerted by the spiritual abuser does not have these boundaries, nor respects them. Where abuse exists, guidance is shelved for the personal advantage that exerting abusive control will give them. Guiding takes greater patience, more honesty, additional understanding and increased time.
Christie Hodson:Abusive control does not. This type of control requires everything to go through the abuser. Control requires everything to go through the abuser, effectively capturing the agency of the person being controlled. The controller assumes the role of gatekeeper of your thoughts and behaviors according to their preferences, not yours. Those guiding don't mind the elevation of others who may in turn lead them someday, but the controller. They need to be the top dog, regardless of their age, status or authority.
Christie Hodson:Guidance leaves room for reflection, for questioning an issue, for processing through something and making decisions you feel impressed to make with the information given. Guidance leaves room for a difference of opinion or interpretation. In addition, it allows for freedom of thought. Abusive control does not Phrases like "this is the answer, or this is how it's done. This is how it's done, or there's no other way or no Questioning allowed. Demonstrates the rigidity that control possesses.
Christie Hodson:Healthy spiritual leaders use guidance as a teaching tool. In doing so, they are feeding the sheep. In stark contrast to the unhealthy alternative is taking control over thoughts, questions and, ultimately, the autonomy of others to make their own decisions. By resorting to this, the abusive leader is committing the despicable act of feeding off the sheep. Another question to ponder in discussing the topic of control is to distinguish the difference between influence and undue influence. Where does influence cross over into undue influence and what does it have to do with control? In the context of spiritual abuse, influence means the capacity to have an effect on the character, development or behavior of someone or something. We all can have influence. We don't need to be in a place of leadership to have an influence on others. It's just that those that do potentially have more influence.
Christie Hodson:Undue influence is the influence by which a person is persuaded to act otherwise than by their own free will or without adequate consideration of the consequences. When someone exerts undue influence on you, they want and need your agency for their benefit. It is actually a legal term that involves one person leveraging their position of power over another person by using excessive persuasion and coercion to control the will of another individual and their ability to make decisions. This is a sick act. This form of persuasion aims to subdue someone's agency and judgment, and often occurs in situations where there is an inherent inequality between the parties involved, especially in cases where the persons involved are in a state of increased vulnerability are in a state of increased vulnerability. Such cases may include those involving children, the elderly or a new convert. It can also happen with someone willingly relinquishing their agency in favor of the directive, authority and insight of an abusive leader. These acts of undue influence are done through flattery, trickery, fear, manipulation, coercion and deception. The leaders, in both cases of influence or undue influence, have the ability to guide and be a positive influence. They also may choose to control another person through undue influence. If we know the difference, we have the opportunity to both become a better leader and hopefully be able to spot a leader exhibiting undue influence.
Christie Hodson:Cults are a perfect example of undue influence. That's kind of their thing. Demonstrating this kind of influence tends to be quite challenging. However, with the cult community, an environment is established for the dynamics of control and undue influence to take root, grow, thrive and flourish. Let's take, for example, author Amanda Montel's insights on the identification of a cult. In her book Cultish, she outlines common criteria for a cult leader being (quote) a charismatic leader, mind-altering behaviors, often sexual and financial exploitation, an us-versus-them mentality towards non-members and a ends-justify-the-means philosophy. There is often a power imbalance built into the member's devotion, hero worship and absolute trust, which frequently facilitates abuse on the part of the unaccountable leaders abuse on the part of the unaccountable leaders. The glue that keeps this trust intact is the members' belief that their leaders have a rare access to transcendent wisdom. (End quote.)
Christie Hodson:We often think of cults as coming from a religious fanatical group, but any group, religious or otherwise, with the characteristics above can carry out the controlling mechanisms that create the environment for one to be under the control and undue influence of a religious or secular cult leader. These leaders create an environment where control and undue influence are the name of the game. The leader convinces their followers through any means necessary that they have the truth, that their followers need them to survive, that the followers need to think the same way they do. To be a part of the group, they need to use the language being spoken. They need to convince them that the conformity of belief, thought and behavior is essential for inclusion.
Christie Hodson:Right off the bat, cult leaders employ tactics of undue influence and control. This often begins by the practice of love bombing, which is overwhelming someone with expressions of affection by using loving words, actions and behaviors, wonderful affirmations and validations, all deceptively used as a means of manipulation. Their ultimate objective is to win the game of control by any means necessary, even resorting to sappy, manipulative words to do that. Through the behavior of love-bombing, they are setting up a groundwork of trust. While this may happen in any relationship, cult leaders use this as another weapon in their arsenal to persuade others into following them and embracing and adopting their ideology. They often present an illusion of utopia, convincing others that everything's just wonderful. Their honey-dripped words are purposeful to draw others into their idealism and mindset.
Christie Hodson:When we think of cult, we often think of the most horrific examples too. Certainly, the most appalling ones have the obvious traits of controlling behavior and exert the most egregious acts of undue influence over their members. These shocking cults grab the headlines due to their leaders' seditious actions and graphic behaviors. And graphic behaviors. Many have followed and, unfortunately, were met with a fiery, suicidal, murderous or criminal end because of the control and unbridled undue influence of a corrupt cult leader.
Christie Hodson:The Branch Davidians in Waco, texas, who died in a fire at their compound, were constantly told by their leader, david Koresh, that the end of the world was coming and that they were the chosen people to survive because David Koresh was the Son of God. They were taught to prepare for war and that the end times that was predicted in the book of Revelation was near. Koresh used his gifted memory to recite scripture and in turn crafted a convincing narrative. He orchestrated a series of events to support and validate his supremacy and legitimacy. He exerted an immense amount of control over his followers. He told them what to eat, where to work, where to sleep and what to think. He even told them who would be his wives, whether they were married or not.
Christie Hodson:It was reported by the Department of Justice that (quote) former compound members told stories that Koresh's alleged practice of having sex with girls as young as 12. Evidence suggested that Koresh had wives who were in their mid-teens, that Koresh told detailed and inappropriate sexual stories in front of the children during his Bible study sessions, and that Koresh taught the young girls it was a privilege for them to become old enough, or in other words reach puberty, to have sex with him. One former compound member described how Koresh would invent theological justifications for his sexual desires, whether they involved having sex with young girls or with other men adult wives. According to the information provided to the FBI. At least two minor girls were wives of Koresh at the time of the standoff. (End quote) Koresh's followers essentially gave away not only their agency, but so much more.
Christie Hodson:Much is assumed about the followers of Branch Davidians that they were held against their will. Yet much information has come to light after the fact that many of the followers had no intention of deserting their leader. They had become so controlled and were under such undue influence of Koresh long enough to trust in his teachings, even if it meant death. The governmental agency of the ATF Alcohol, tobacco and Firearms suspected that the group was stockpiling illegal weapons. They had obtained a search warrant for the Waco compound and an arrest warrant for David Koresh and some of his followers. In an attempt to exercise that search warrant, gunfire broke out and lives were lost on both sides. This subsequently steered the situation into the hands of the FBI and a 51-day-long standoff ensued. Unfortunately, the standoff ended when a fire broke out during an FBI breach of the compound. The fire at the compound resulted in the death of 76 Branch Davidians, including 25 children, two pregnant Jones who died, along with the mass suicide and murder of over 900 of his followers.
Christie Hodson:Jim Jones had convinced many that there was an earthly promised land, a utopian environment in the country of Guyana. There, Jones used this place to isolate people from the outside world. He was so self-absorbed with that utopian town that he named it after himself. Jonestown would become infamous for all the wrong reasons Under the influence of phenobarbital and his own madness. Jones became triggered by an investigation from the outside world as to whether the followers were being forced to stay there against their will. Due to the undue influence Jones had over his followers, a Kool-Aid was concocted and they were instructed to participate in "revolutionary suicide, as he put it. They drank the Kool-Aid and died over 900 of his followers. To this day, when one drinks the Kool-Aid, that they are believing something blindly and enthusiastically based on the ideology of a leader who is overpowering and coercing them.
Christie Hodson:Then there is Warren Jeffs. He became the leader of the FLDS community, a fundamentalistic branch of the Mormons, when his father died. His leadership began when it was revealed and envisioned that he was to become the leader of the entire community. Though he appears meek-mannered, his actions are quite sinister. Jeff's had an obsession with marrying young wives, one as young as 12. This led to his arrest and conviction and being given a life sentence for the sexual assault of two underage followers that he had named his spiritual brides. Despite this blatant act of child sexual abuse, he is still religiously followed by some, claiming he is still their prophet, still speaks for God and is wrongly being convicted. His power has transcended prison walls. His undue influence and control is still holding captive the agency of some of his followers, even through the walls, while these particular cults rank among the most notorious ones. Engaging with any survivor of these cults or similar groups, they will describe a gradual process of succumbing to the cult leader's control. That's why understanding the warning signs and deciphering the language used by these leaders is so highly important, as important as realizing we all have agency and a sense of control we can use to avoid handing over our thoughts for others to steal and abuse.
Christie Hodson:Amanda Montell is the author of the aforementioned book Cultish the Language of Fanaticism. She holds a degree in linguistics, which is the study of language, how it's structured and how it applies to our humanity and place in this world. She also is the host of a podcast called Sounds Like a Cult. In her book, she focuses heavily on the power of language in a cult. She talked about how a linguistic professor wrote to her and told her that (quote) without languages, there would be no cults, no beliefs, no ideology or religion. (End quote). Amanda further expressed this liturgical weapon when she wrote that (quote) language is a leader's charisma. It's what empowers them to create a mini-universe, a system of values and truths, and then compel their followers to heed its rules. She later added because words are the medium through which belief systems are manufactured, nurtured and reinforced, their fanaticism fundamentally could not exist without them. (End quote).
Christie Hodson:Cults use one of humanity's most powerful weapons language. They have the opportunity to use that language for good, but all too often the cult template lends itself to quite the opposite happening. Sometimes it's easy to see the language of an abusive leader causing harm, or to spot the bully on the playground or the verbal gunfire in a board meeting, while other times it's the drip drip of thought-terminating cliches that slowly strip away our need or desire to question anything. As one author put it, we often sleepwalk right up to a cult and the thing that draws us in and the thing that is present in every cult is the language. We all, with few exceptions, have been influenced and controlled through the use of our language. Some of the most powerful cult leaders are very articulate and gifted in their use of language. Even their delivery of words is powerful and engaging.
Christie Hodson:Listen to how Montell described cult leader Jim Jones, (quote) boasting the intonation and passion of a Baptist preacher, the complex theorizing of an Aristotelian philosopher, the folksy wit of a countryside fabler and the ferocious zeal of a demented tyrant. Jim Jones was a linguistic chameleon who possessed a monster arsenal of shrewd rhetorical strategies which he wielded to attract and condition followers of all stripes. He customized his language according to the people in front of him. (End quote). It was said that Jim Jones would even study other great orators and model after them and model after them. One of whom he studied was none other than Adolf Hitler. Imagine that a minister of God mimicking his speech after one of the most notoriously barbaric and ruthless leaders in all world's history. That, right there, makes me downright nauseous. I've only scratched the surface on cults and how they chip away at your agency. More on the dynamics of a cult and what makes up a cult in a future episode.
Christie Hodson:The cult concept is a yucky byproduct of the spiritual abuse tactic of control To try and understand the magnitude at which a controlling person will go to abuse. Their influence on individuals, systems and institutions is quite surprising, but we must not give up on learning these patterns and characteristics. Once they are learned, hopefully we can't unsee them, we can pretend they don't exist, play ignorant, be ignorant, all the while victims are piling up. In an article entitled 25 Signs You're in a High-Controlled Group or Cult, by Anastasia Somerville Wong, she wrote (quote) it is a myth that only stupid or suggestible people fall for cults and highly controlled groups. (end quote)
Christie Hodson:Even with education, common sense and a healthy dose of pragmatism, we can still miss the signs and walk right into these highly controlling groups or even cults, with the same modus operandi. Some of these signs are opposition to critical thought, thought. The question to be asked is whether there exists an official forum for critical inquiry or for formally raising questions, complaints and grievances in your group. Failure to facilitate critical thought and to create times, spaces and procedures for criticism of the group and its leaders is a sign that the leaders do not value the safety perspective and meaningful participation of members. This indicates the potential that there may be an aversion to independent thinking or the desire to not be challenged. What's most important to the controller is the controlling of your thoughts persuading you to not have any differing thoughts.
Christie Hodson:Another sign of a highly controlled group is the overwhelming existence of thought-terminating cliches. What are these? Wikipedia describes it as (quote) a thought-terminating cliche, also known as a semantic stop sign, a thought stopper bumper sticker. Logic or cliche thinking is a form of loaded language, often passing as folk wisdom, intended to end an argument and quell cognitive dissonance. Its function is to stop an argument from proceeding further, ending the debate with a cliché rather than a point. Some such clichés are not inherently terminating. They only become so when they are used to intentionally dismiss dissent or justify fallacious logic. (End quote). Janae Auman, author of the upcoming book "Othered, describes thought-terminating cliches as things that quote quiet dissent and disempower dissenters. (End quote). She went on to add that "quote they don't want the cries of sheep, they want silent soldiers. End quote.
Christie Hodson:American psychiatrist and author Robert J Lifton, who is best known for his work about the psychological effects of war and violence and the theory of thought reform, made this statement regarding these mind-stopping cliches. He wrote that (quote) the language of the totalist environment is characterized by the thought-terminating cliche. The most far-reaching and complex of human problems are compressed into brief, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases, easily memorized and easily expressed. They become the start and finish of any ideological analysis. (End quote).
Christie Hodson:So what are some examples of these thought-terminating cliches you might ask? We've all said them many times. Most seem innocuous, but in excess or when used with reckless abandon, they shut down the discussion of a differing thought. Author Janae Auman even added that "quote these words are not inherently bad or evil in and of themselves, but they have been used in spiritually abusive ways to silence the suffering of God's people. End quote. Which is why I'm including them in this podcast.
Christie Hodson:Some examples are it is what it is. I've said that one many times. This too shall pass. I can't even count the number of times I've said that. And to name others, it could be worse. Time heals all. It's all good.
Christie Hodson:Someone out there has it worse than you. Boys will be boys. Everything happens for a reason. It's all God's plan. Don't think about it too hard. Try to look on the bright side.
Christie Hodson:If it ain't broke, don't fix it. We've always done it this way. Don't rock the boat. Just follow the protocol. That's a decision for the higher-ups. Let's agree to disagree. Trust the process. We're all in the same boat. It's just the way things are done here.
Christie Hodson:What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. When you get to be my age, you'll find that's not true. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. It's just common sense. It makes sense to me. That's all that matters To each. His own Life is unfair. It was his time. Whatever, there you go again, it's not worth discussing. Whatever will be will be. Who cares? Just forget it. Rules are rules. Who do you think you are? It's all relative. People are going to do what they want. That's just your feelings, can't everybody just drop it and get along. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Job 1.21, adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. That's not biblical. God moves and works in mysterious ways. God never gives you more suffering than you can bear. Only God can judge. God has a plan.
Christie Hodson:Any of these sound familiar, as you can see, especially with some of these last ones, that the phrase can even be taken right out of the Bible but can be used in a context that creates a termination of thoughts and a minimizing, even nullifying, of feelings. I know I've mentioned so many of them here. I wanted to make a point that we have all said so many of these and so many times, while they sound innocent enough, repeatedly spoken, or spoken in a place that deserves compassion or active listening, instead they become not only verbal stop signs but deliver cold blows of indifference instead of verbal hugs of compassion to those that might be hurting. Thought terminating cliches have a spiritual sister idiom in the term spiritual bypassing. More on that in a future episode. More on that in a future episode.
Christie Hodson:The phrases in and of themselves are not wrong, but they do take whatever a thought, experience, feeling or question someone is having and essentially set them aside. It's a way of taking a challenging thought, an uncomfortable emotion or a personal experience and covering it up with really nice-sounding language. We have all said these thought-terminating cliches, thoughts and questions can cause a disruption in the flow of the message of a particular leader or institution. They may see the differing thoughts, questions and even criticism as a threat to their message, their brand and, ultimately, themselves. These cliches can serve as an innocent way of shutting down a challenging or uncomfortable topic, emotion or thought. When these thought-terminating cliches are expressed repeatedly, they create a language of complacency where we stop critically analyzing complex issues because, instead of being met with an opportunity for healthy processing and discussion, they are met with phrases that politely terminate that process.
Christie Hodson:If thought-terminating cliches fail to get rid of your thoughts, an initiation of muting those challenging voices through suppression, shaming and marginalizing begins. Self-doubt is encouraged, leaders claim to have a special insight and supreme knowledge, and the flow of information is subject to the leader's censorship and control An I-know-better attitude, sponsorship and control An I-know-better attitude. Often, the identity of the highly controlled group becomes more important than the identity of the individual. When such things like groupthink are introduced, one might hear the phrase this is the way it is, and anything or anyone that challenges that is from the devil. Sometimes, threats are made or guiltiness initiated against members who leave. Others are simply shunned, which is a form of indirect shaming.
Christie Hodson:This slippery slope of actions can lead to a highly controlling spiritual environment, ripe for spiritual abuse, as you can already tell. When one is within a highly controlling spiritual environment ripe for spiritual abuse. As you can already tell, when one is within a highly controlled group, there is a stripping away of you, you as an individual, your thoughts, your emotions, your questions, your doubts, your voice, your you, your doubts, your voice, your you. And when that happens, you become a pawn in the hand of whomever is playing this dangerous game of human chess. Before you know it, you have become extremely vulnerable and control over you becomes inevitable. It's important for us to recognize this takeover before it does irreparable damage, before you lose you.
Christie Hodson:Many of us are a part of a group that holds a system of philosophical or religious beliefs and where there is a common goal of devotion directed towards a belief, idea, personality or goal. These systems aren't harmful unless they strip you of your agency and personal control, replacing it with the malevolent leader or institutions controlling the agenda. These are unhealthy situations, at the very least. At minimum, they are dangerous and, at the extreme, can be deadly, which is why I think it's highly important to assess ourselves as a church body and to be honest about whether we are, as author Janae Auman stated "quote hearing the cries of sheep or becoming silent soldiers. End quote.
Christie Hodson:We're all susceptible to being in control. In fact, we allow ourselves every day to be under the power, control and authority of at least one entity in our life, whether that be a boss, a teacher, a spouse you name it. For me personally, as a Christian, I choose to be under the power, control and authority of Christ. Christ's power, control and authority does not kill my agency. It does not strip me of my personhood. He does not control my thoughts, beliefs or decisions. Influence, yes. Guide yes. Even when he could use his authority to overpower me, he empowers me instead.
Christie Hodson:One of the great tragedies in spiritual abuse is that the very people representing Christ and preaching his word are often doing the most harm. They carry the name of Christ and use it as a weapon. They use their power to overpower another. They use their control to keep the masses in check, and their undue influence causes others to become spiritual zombies for Christ. If that isn't ugly, I don't know what is.
Christie Hodson:It is important for us to remember that we all have a measure of control. What we do with it says a lot about who we are as a person. When we see others use their control for harm, we can take our control and speak up against it. There are times where we need to assert our control by involving law enforcement, when someone's actions have violated the law. Yet even without a law being broken, we can use our personal power and collective control to create an environment conducive to fostering a healthy society and a healthy church. We are people, not silent soldiers. We've been designed to be highly intricate and intelligent human beings, with the ability to make decisions and have thoughts and beliefs of our own. When we hand it over to another person who doesn't necessarily have our best interest in mind, we are treading on dangerous ground. Beloved priest and psychologist Henry Nouwen wrote.
Christie Hodson:(Quote) the long, painful history of the church is the history of people ever and again tempted to choose power over love, control over the cross, being a leader over being led. Those who resisted this temptation to the end and thereby giving us hope are the true saints. One thing is clear to me the temptation of power is greatest when intimacy is a threat. (Let me repeat that that). the temptation of power is the greatest when intimacy is a threat. Much Christian leadership is exercised by people who do not know how to develop healthy, intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead. Many Christian empire builders have been people unable to give and receive love. End quote. I found this quote to be rather enlightening. We truly need each other. We need to have each other's back. We need to support one another. We need to be able to have a safe space, at the very least in our churches. Spiritual abuse has threatened to turn our churches into places of siloed thought, places where critical thinking is discouraged, where the language of cliches subtly do their damage. Many warriors that are combating spiritual abuse have restoration, reconciliation and redemption on their mind. Ultimately, it takes our ability to wrestle with the complexities of creating a healthy, intimate relationship within our churches, families and organizations to have a chance at such an expectation.
Christie Hodson:It's worth acknowledging that narcissism has infiltrated into our churches, often through a leader, and it's worth mentioning it because narcissistic systems typically revolve around the key aspects of shame structure, a a and . . They structure, have a constant need for admiration and attention In those that have controlling tendencies. that superiority plays in spiritual abuse is shown in a way spiritual leaders have abused the power, control and authority they possess for their own benefit, which results in the harm of those that follow their lead. I will speak more directly to the role a narcissist plays in the religious realm in a future episode.
Christie Hodson:Another aspect of control within the context of spiritual abuse revolves around our insatiable need and intense craving for certainty. This can lead us to either accept or create a biblical confirmation for the answers we seek. We long for certainty so desperately that we accept or fabricate a biblical confirmation for the answers to our questions. Often we will accept the certainty of someone else and throw our faith out the window. Author Anne Lamott stated that, (quote) the opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort and letting it be there until some light returns. Faith also means reaching deeply within for the sense. One was born with the sense, for example, to go for a walk. (End quote). Faith isn't about control. It's about traveling through the hard stuff the discomfort, the emptiness, the mess. Faith is the opposite of control.
Christie Hodson:Certainty can be used as a method of control. It certainly can be a cop-out. A method of control. It certainly can be a cop-out, as our need for answers was more important than the wrestling and active process of practicing our faith. Often these easier routes of certainty are proclaimed by the wolves in sheep's clothing. There is no easy button for practicing your faith.
Christie Hodson:Those that preach otherwise should be met with skepticism. Do we accept an answer to our biblical questions because someone else has validated and verified it scripturally? At first glance, that sounds entirely logical. We do want some assurances without completely relying only on faith right. Two complications arise in this scenario faith right.
Christie Hodson:Two complications arise in this scenario. First, when we rely solely on the leader's interpretations without engaging in our own critical examination of the scriptures, known as exegesis, we are checking our brains at the door. In doing so, we have surrendered control of our study to the spiritual leader and biblical scholar. We have then given all control of that study to a spiritual leader or biblical scholar. Secondly, we are potentially sacrificing our faith in favor of the answers and explanations provided by the leader. In a healthy dynamic, we can trust the exegesis of a spiritual leader, but it is essential to not relinquish all control to them. It is vital that we do our own studying. By relinquishing all thinking control to the leader or scholar, we risk allowing any potential hidden agenda or desire for control on their part to influence our understanding of particular passages. As the Russian proverb wisely states, and was later expressed by American President Ronald Reagan quote trust but verify, end quote. We possess our own intellects to use and we are personally accountable for discerning and understanding the information ourselves. So, rather than unquestioningly yielding all control of religious study over to a spiritual leader or scholar, we should engage our minds and take responsibility for our beliefs and interpretations. This is, of course, not to say their input isn't valid or correct, but you come to these conclusions on your own.
Christie Hodson:As a Christian, I believe the Holy Spirit plays a huge part in the process of discernment of truth. Unfortunately, even the Holy Spirit is used as a weapon by a spiritual abuser. We do not know the mind of any member of the Godhead, and it's a flaming red flag to claim such as a member of the spiritual community. I have deeply valued the ability to ask questions of my spiritual leaders. Some have been more open than others. I have developed a great appreciation for those that have guided and influenced me in my spiritual journey, rather than imposing their beliefs upon me. I believe if someone is denied the opportunity to ask questions and explore their faith freely, it could be a significant red flag that may signal a desire for control from the leadership, a healthy spiritual community would not be threatened and would promote open dialogue and welcome the genuine exploration of beliefs and ideas. By embracing questions and providing guidance rather than coercion or control, spiritual leaders create a nurturing environment for personal growth and understanding, and that's a lovely thing.
Christie Hodson:A friend posted a cartoon on their Facebook thread that went something like this (quote) Of course you're allowed to ask questions. Here is the list of approved questions. You're absolutely free to study and investigate for yourself. Here is the list of approved sources. We're not trying to stifle thought. We want you to learn everything you can as you reach the approved conclusions. (End quote). All kidding aside, you get my point.
Christie Hodson:Control is a powerful piece in the triad of spiritual abuse, in concert with power and authority. This trio of tactics will crush a soul in the hands of a spiritual abuser. Using fear, guilt or intimidation has worked and will continue to work unless we start calling it out. Educator and researcher Jerry MacDonald, who studied the autocratic religious movements, states that (quote) authoritarian religious groups manipulate rewards, punishments and experiences to systematically sever from members their past support systems, which include their own powers of independent and rational thinking, their ability to test, define and evaluate, as well as their ability to freely interact with others about their experiences. These internal support systems are replaced with exterior support systems under the control of the leaders (End quote) In the hand of a spiritual leader who has purportedly been given spiritual authority and often power to lead a congregation or spiritual community.
Christie Hodson:Control carries profound responsibilities. They do have influence and can guide their congregants to live lives of kindness and grace toward others. They can have a huge effect on their followers' character development or behaviors, but should never overstep the boundaries by infringing on the agency of their congregants. When they do, they are playing with fire, fire that will burn down relationships with God, relationships with others, even affecting their own self-reflection process their own self-reflection process. Abusive control cripples, overtakes and paralyzes thinking processes and, in turn, someone's entire spiritual journey. When used with purposeful intent, fear, intimidation and control have a significant detrimental impact on a congregation. Trying to exert control over the thoughts, actions and beliefs erodes any trust one might have of their spiritual leader. It suffocates any individuality and sabotages spiritual growth, all of which causes a controlling situation that does not lend itself to a healthy environment. The environment is ripe for spiritual abuse, creating a scenario that it will not be, if it will happen, but when.
Christie Hodson:Ways to take actions against abusive control involves learning to set boundaries around our agency, our choices and our thoughts. Protecting ourselves from being controlled involves seeking accountability from those spiritual leaders that may have exercised their authorities in ways that are rooted in dominance and power over their fellow spiritual travelers. It's also important for us to lean on our own internal navigator. How many times have you told yourself something just doesn't feel right? I have called this the Holy Spirit, others their intuitions. Lastly, seeking support by developing trusting relationships with fellow believers and spiritual mentors can serve to create a community when you need it most. Implementing these simple tools can serve as a defense mechanism to prevent control from taking root in our lives and allowing spiritual leaders to exert undue influence over church members, particularly those most vulnerable to this controlling behavior.
Christie Hodson:Jesus led with the heart, not ego. He demonstrated a radical respect for the freedom of others to choose to do what they want to do. Christians are challenged, as image bearers of Christ, to show that same radical respect for people's freedom. Controlling others takes away that freedom, even when done in the name of God. Everyone has a degree of control that they can exercise in abusive ways or ways that lead to genuine influence and thoughtful guidance. We need to ask ourselves will it be our heart or our ego running the show? There is sometimes a conflict between what our heart is saying and what our ego is saying. The ego definitely seeks out self-preservation, validation and rational thought. The heart grabs the emotions, empathy and authenticity. Learning to balance these aspects can be key in navigating through the murky waters of freedom and control. Yet for me, it's when I personally realized that Christ wanted me to be free. My heart chose and continues to choose him because of that.
Christie Hodson:If anyone has owned sheep, they know the difficulty they can present. My family owned 30 sheep. At one point in my life, the sheep would sometimes find a hole in the fence and would escape out through that hole, only to desire to be back in the enclosure at suppertime. But unable to find that same hole to return back through, they would try to get back in the pasture, but missing their escape path by mere yards. In the book the Minister as Shepherd by Charles Jefferson, he wrote (quote) Sheep are not independent travelers. They must have a human conductor. They cannot go to the predetermined places by themselves. They cannot start out in the morning in search of pasture and then come home at evening time. They have apparently no sense of direction. The greenest pastures may be only a few miles away, but the sheep left to themselves cannot find it. What animal is more incapable than a sheep? (End quote). The sheep needs a shepherd to lead them. Jefferson continues, (quote) where the shepherd leads the sheep will go. He knows that the shepherd is a guide and that it is safe to follow him. The shepherd cannot drive his sheep, he must lead them. (End quote).
Christie Hodson:There are many spiritual leaders that do not understand that sheep or their congregation cannot be driven. Men like sheep do better when led. Men like sheep do better when led. The driving of humans has been attempted, often ending in disastrous results. Controlling leaders can and do create silent soldiers.
Christie Hodson:Human beings can be controlled. They can give away their agency. They can be driven to do all manner of things, good and bad, but in the end abusive control does harm about the leader and the follower of that authoritarian structure. Christ offers freedom, he offers to lead, he asks us to follow. The choice is truly up to us and I for one appreciate the freedom in that and resist anything that attempts to control that choice or contradicts that freedom. Those that resist being controlled, will often be looked at as a rebel, perhaps even a troublemaker. I challenge that and prefer to refer to them as truly taking the opportunity they were given to not only make their own choices and decisions, but to take that freedom and follow those that guide and influence instead of control and drive.
Christie Hodson:Will that be you? In the next podcast, I will braid in the last strand of the spiritual abuse triad, that being the strand of authority. To be honest, it has been one of the most challenging topics thus far. I'm not sure why, but I wondered if it had something to do with the fact that we don't all have authority. So what does one do if that source of authority dips in the waters of spiritual abuse? You will see how that will compl. Authority dips in the waters of spiritual abuse. You will see how that will complicate things in the next full episode installment of the Soul Bruises podcast.
Christie Hodson:Thank you for continuing to engage with this difficult topic. I'm hoping that you are learning and gaining insights that may be helpful to you moving forward. Should you have any questions, feedback, suggestions, comments or otherwise, please don't hesitate to connect with me either by soulbruises@ gmailcom or through Instagram @soulbruises2023. If you feel you have something valuable to contribute in the fight against spiritual abuse, consider using this podcast as a platform for that abuse. Consider using this podcast as a platform for that. I would love to speak to those that have so much to teach us and thank you in advance for your willingness to share. Consider that the knowledge you've acquired through these acts of spiritual abuse, which you did not deserve to endure, could serve to be a source of help to someone else. I hope you'll consider that I'm Christie Hodson and this has been the Soul Bruises podcast. Until next time, be human, be kind, be both.
