Episode 5: An Oxymoron Defined

Have you ever felt the heavy burden of spiritual abuse within a faith community?   Our journey into the shadows of spiritual manipulation begins here, where I hope to guide you through the often-misunderstood realm of spiritual abuse. 

We're not just scratching the surface; we're exposing the deep-rooted patterns of control that have caused generational hurt across all faith traditions. With the expertise of thought leaders like Jeff VanVonderen and James Rochford, we dissect the misuse of religious authority and differentiate between the healable missteps and the intentional harm that demands strong preventive action.

Peering into the aftermath of spiritual abuse, we navigate the psychological maze with guidance from experts like Ron Enroth, Dr. Lisa Oakley, Justin Humphreys, and many more as we come to understand the profound impact of abuse on the soul. This episode isn't meant to merely inform; it's a call to arms for those within the Christian community and beyond to create a culture of prevention and healing. Soul Bruises confronts the controversies head-on, debating the adequacy of the term 'spiritual abuse' and the necessity of using precise language to give appropriate weight to these agonizing experiences.

Our resolve is to empower and equip our listeners with the knowledge needed to shield our communities from spiritual predators. Organizations like GRACE are at the forefront, and Soul Bruises shares their mission to initiate a vital cultural shift within the church. Under the leadership of Pete Singer, GRACE's dedication to protecting the vulnerable highlights that change isn't just possible; it's imperative.

By tuning in, you're taking the first step toward standing with the wounded and becoming an advocate for change.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

Chapters

• 0:03 Understanding Spiritual Abuse
• 16:35 Understanding Spiritual Abuse in Religious Settings
• 34:04 Understanding and Addressing Spiritual Abuse
• 51:27 Preventing Spiritual Abuse

Transcript

Christie: 0:18

Hey there, friends and fellow soul defenders, my name is Christie and I want to welcome you to Soul Bruises, a podcast devoted to taking a closer look at spiritual abuse. Thank you for taking the time to listen in. Have you ever been in a religious or spiritual setting that felt highly controlling, where you felt coerced into thinking a certain way, were your thoughts minimized or your questions shamed or dismissed? Did you ever feel like scripture was twisted and used to manipulate? Have you experienced the spiritual leading of a charismatic pastor, only to discover his or her narcissistic ways have led to an environment of bullying and elitism? Thank you for being brave enough to join me as we begin to define what spiritual abuse is and what it is not, where it shows up, how it shows up and what it looks like on a human being or an organizational system. I'm sure you gathered a few clues from the introduction, but before we get into this, a brief disclaimer. Soul Bruises aims to offer informative content centered around the topic of spiritual abuse, but I acknowledge that potential sensitivity through personal experience may be triggering or traumatizing to some. It is your choice whether you want to engage with the content or opt out to prioritize your emotional well-being. I am committed to creating a safe space for listeners, all the while trying to relay the harsh reality of this topic Above all. You, the listener, are in charge whether you listen any further.

Christie: 2:15

Although the term spiritual abuse seems to have originated in the 1990s yes, you did hear that right there is plenty of evidence that behaviors of this type of abuse have touched on every generation, since the beginning of mankind. Spiritual abuse is woven into the fabric of our past, our present and, without intervention, our future. There's something extremely powerful about naming something. We owe a debt of gratitude to Jeff VanVonderen for being the first to coin the phrase spiritual abuse. As you will see later in this episode, naming it has not come without controversy, and naming it is just the tip of the iceberg. So what is spiritual abuse? It's far easier to describe what spiritual abuse is not, so let's do that first.

Christie: 3:20

Every church and spiritual or religious person has conflicts and disappointments. Every church is full of broken human people. There are various personalities, different opinions, diverse backgrounds, different cultures and unique temperaments. There are misunderstandings, short tempers, arguments and pride. Pastors and other leaders won't always communicate effectively. Fellow church members will misinterpret what others say or do from time to time we will get offended and will offend others. Yet with these instances, though they are painful, they are about hurt, not harm, and while they are not productive or kind, they are not always indications of abuse, with the exceptions of hurts that develop into a pattern of behaviors committed with malevolent intent. Spiritual abuse does hurt, but ultimately it's about harm, deep soul bruising harm. The ugly truth is that no single religion or denomination or group of people is immune from this. It can exist in our families, our churches, our workplace and even in the recesses of our own heart and mind.

Christie: 4:52

While my personal perspectives mostly reflect on the abuses in the Christianity realm, I know that spiritual abuse exists in other world religions and in independent ministries worldwide. So when I refer to the church, it's generally leaning towards churches in the context of Christianity. So then, what is spiritual abuse? What does it look like? How does it reveal itself in spiritual or non-spiritual settings? At its core, spiritual abuse is about using faith, religion, beliefs and biblical scripture to exert control over others. And if the spiritual abusers are spiritual leaders, there is an added element of using their power and spiritual authority to manipulate and coerce others to believe what they do and to do things for their benefit. Basically, what is meant for good is used to harm.

Christie: 5:54

As I share several different definitions of spiritual abuse presented by independent individuals, you may notice a consistent pattern and strong similarities among them. Some speak in generalities of the term and others get into the specific patterns and behaviors that equally help define the term. Both perspectives are important. In this episode, I will speak mostly in generalities and hint at the specifics. Those specifics will be the main theme of upcoming Soul Bruises episodes that I will elaborate on later. Though each of these definitions of spiritual abuse will be articulated in their own words, they have a common theme that unites them.

Christie: 6:41

Let's start first with Jeffrey Van Vonderen, who coined the phrase spiritual abuse. He, along with his co-author, David Johnson, wrote the book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. They define spiritual abuse as quote the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person's spiritual empowerment end quote. The authors go on to describe how that is done, specifically through controlling and dominance over another person, overriding their feelings, thoughts and opinions and creating an environment of spiritual elitism and superiority. In an article titled "Spiritual Abuse Avoiding Two Extremes by James Rochford. I came across another definition. He stated quite simply and succinctly that quote spiritual abuse is a pattern of serious, objective and sinful behaviors that center around control and coercion, whereby a spiritual authority exploits their position, and perhaps scripture, for the purpose of selfish gain. End quote.

Christie: 8:04

This definition brings out three fine points. First, that this is a serious matter and calling it out needs to be taken seriously as well. The victim gains nothing from calling out their abuse, aside from further abuse, so hearing and listening to their voices is vital. Secondly, it's important to ask if there is objective or subjective data. You no doubt will hear subjective complaints and those should be acknowledged. Yet it's the collection of objective data that is crucial in making a case for the evidence of spiritual abuse. As rochford explains, subjective intuitions, perceptions or emotions are not criteria for an accusation of spiritual abuse to be based on. Thirdly, the last key aspect of rochford's definition that I see is Question whether there is an objective pattern of controlling, coercive and authoritarian behavior.

Christie: 9:14

Placing the title of spiritual abuse on a situation or person with that extremely careful examination and investigation of a situation, would be highly irresponsible. Careful consideration should be given to evaluate the markers of spiritual abuse to see if they exist. Making a rush to judgment on an alleged spiritual abuser puts their reputation in jeopardy. This is why the educational aspect is so highly important. Author Justin Humphries spoke to this careful examination when he wrote this (quote). Growing awareness around this issue has meant it is now being recognized, but defining what it is and what it isn't needs further careful and considered work to be done. We owe this to those that have suffered spiritual abuse and we owe it to those involved in the wider Christian community to work constructively Towards creating safer places for all. (End quote).

Christie: 10:19

Oakley, who co-authors with Humphries in their book escaping the maze of spiritual abuse, describes that spiritual abuse (quote) consists of a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behavior in a religious context. (End quote). Objective facts and repetitive patterns of self-serving, coercive and controlling behaviors should be a red flag to an individual, an organization or to an abuser themselves that their behavior exhibits the characteristics of abuse. David Henke, who founded an independent Christian research and apologetics ministry defined spiritual abuse as( quote) the misuse of a position of power, leadership or influence to further the selfish interest of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of a legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means. Spiritually abusive religious systems are sometimes described as Legalistic, mind controlling, religiously addictive and authoritarian. (End quote). You may have realized after listening to the previous definitions that defining spiritual abuse into a simple and straightforward description is very difficult. There are many complexities to the term that require further exploration. However, I will introduce a few more in this episode to show the scope of this term. Then I will break it down into smaller bites and chew on those specifics and upcoming episodes.

Christie: 12:19

creative soul came up with the acronym for ABUSE in the context of spiritual abuse. Spiritual Abuse they stated was: A - Acting spiritual to B- Benefit oneself by U- using S- self-centered E- efforts to control others. Acting spiritual to benefit oneself by using self-centered efforts to control others. Michael Krueger, author of "bully policy states quote spiritual abuse is a relatively new and amorphous concept. Krueger defined it this way Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader, such as a pastor, elder or head of a Christian organization, weals his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates Domineers, bullies and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom related goals. And quote Dr Lisa Oakley's and Justin Humphries, who co authored escaping the maze of spiritual abuse, further described and created a working definition that went like this Quote spiritual abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse.

Christie: 13:44

It is characterized by a systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behavior. In a religious context, this abuse includes manipulation and exploitation and forced accountability, censorship of decision-making, requirements of secrecy and silence, coercion to conform, inability to ask questions, control through the use of sacred texts or teaching, requirements of obedience to the abuser, the suggestion that the abuser has a divine position, isolation as a means of punishment and superiority and elitism. End quote. It is from a spiritual leader. (End quote). It is from aspects of these particular working definitions and a few others that I have developed a framework of spiritually abusive tactics and behaviors for this podcast. I Believe this framework will help bring this broad topic of spiritual abuse into clearer focus. Will I be able to touch on every aspect? I can guarantee you I won't be able to. Spiritual abuse is truly a dynamic term and one in which we are still defining the parameters and specifics for. So stay tuned.

Christie: 15:04

Author and educator, Dr Bob Kellerman of RPM Ministries, which is a ministry that exists to equip pastors, laypeople, educators, students and biblical counselors with Christ-centered, church-based, comprehensive, compassionate and culturally informed biblical counseling resources. They offered a definition that uses strong religious language, but for those familiar with these linguistic phrases, I feel it adds a principled perspective. Dr Kellerman states, (quote) Spiritual abuse is a spiritual role reversal where a shepherd, instead of clinging and emulating the great shepherd by shepherding God's people, subtly demands that members exist to meet the shepherd's needs. Rather than relating as a servant leader, the pastor pulls rank and lords it over others, not for the benefit of the flock but for the benefit of the pastor. Rather than speaking the truth in love, ministering grace and truth, the spiritually abusive pastor intimidates judges, condemns, shames and blames the sheep, without regard for the spiritual well-being of the sheep. (End quote). I will speak more about the sheep and the shepherd in an upcoming episode.

Christie: 16:35

There are indications that sometimes spiritual abuse is done intentionally, sometimes malevolently and most certainly self-servingly. Let's talk about intentionality. The reality is that spiritual abuse can be both intentional or unintentional. There is compelling evidence that many spiritually abusive behaviors are not deliberate. When spiritual abuse is identified as unintentional, potential change in healing can occur, especially if education and accountability are part of the equation. Even when we know better, we do better. Without the ability of a church and its leaders to self-reflect and self-regulate concerning their use of power, control and authority, breakdown occurs, often resulting in more consistent, patterned and, eventually, chronic spiritually abusive behaviors. This lack of self-reflection, accountability and willingness to change most likely paints the situation as an intentional act. When this is the case, there is a great need and importance in generating regulations and policies for an organization and its leaders to create an environment where the highest possibility of safety can be achieved, where the reality of an environment devoid of spiritual abuse is more likely.

Christie: 18:10

Ron Enroth, professor of sociology at Westmont College in Santa Barbara, California, an evangelical Christian and author of the book "Churches that Abuse, wrote quote. Unlike physical abuse that often results in bruised bodies, spiritual and pastoral abuse leaves scars on the psyche and soul. It is inflicted by persons who are accorded respect and honor in our society by virtue of their role as religious leaders and models of spiritual authority. End quote. What an immense violation of the soul and trust. Theology professor Steve Brown wrote quote.

Christie: 18:56

The worst offenders of this harm are not the sinners, whose disobedience hurts the reputation of the church. They are not the unbelievers who hate the church. They aren't even the heretics or those who get their theology wrong. They are often those that have the reputation of godliness that possess the characteristics of ravenous wolves. (end quote). It is these wolves that prey upon the weak, take advantage of the young and vulnerable, that distort the message of Christ. Often, many will commit disgusting acts of cruelty disguised behind the sacred words. "Thus saith the Lord, unless they are stopped. I don't use the word very often, but acting in this manner, in my opinion, constitutes an evil act.

Christie: 19:51

Ordained Presbyterian minister David Murray defined spiritual abuse as (quote) a sinful use of spiritual authority by Christian leaders to promote, protect or enrich a person or a Christian institution, regardless of the spiritual damage done to the innocent parties and the cause of Christ. (End quote). Spiritual damage of innocent parties is bad enough, but add to that defiling the cause of Christ, these actions turn the church into a sick body and one in need of healing. (Quote). I've learned that a body that does not follow its head", psychologist Dr Diane Langberg said, is a sick body. End quote. She went on to say quote Jesus Christ is the head of the church. Our head has called us to follow Him. Where we do not, we are very sick. End quote.

Christie: 20:56

Many churches and religious organizations have failed to obliterate the soul-crushing form of abuse and, as a result, have become sick bodies. We've allowed spiritual abuse and harm to weave into the fabric of not only our spiritual settings but also in the community around us, where the hypocrisy of our damaging behavior has introduced others to a God they have no interest in getting to know. When are we going to repair our missing stair? More on the missing stair in a bonus episode coming soon. I understand the term abuse might sound a bit harsh and not necessarily associated with such concepts as the church believers or biblical teaching. However, diminishing it to a more palatable word decreases the reality of what is occurring and the magnitude of the harm that spiritual abuse has caused. We can't afford to placate our ears at the cost of ignoring this issue.

Christie: 22:04

The term spiritual abuse exists because, as a church body, we have allowed the sickness in and allowed it to take up residence. The church cannot keep adding biblical sweeteners to minimize or justify the abuse committed. Even if the victimizer wears a nice suit or dress, has a well-marked Bible whistles "amazing grace wherever they go or is filled with charisma and has memorized the entire scriptures. If spiritual abuse exists in a religious organization, the primary focus moving forward should be the continual identification of it, educating about it and learning better ways to create healthier environments and protecting the vulnerable. We could start by surrounding those that have been victimized and affording them the same respect we might give to the abuser that often is in a place of more power and control than the victim. All too often, when the abuser is found out, they are surrounded by those willing to forgive them so quickly after an eloquent, articulate and public apology for the wrong they say they have done. Very rarely are others given the full extent of the harm the abuser has afflicted on the victim. Nor are the victims afforded the same platform as the abuser with the same grace given to them. The narrative of the most powerful is often presented and believed before the victim even gets a voice. The church body harms both the abused and God's message if such actions are swept under the rug, downplayed or justified. We must shed light on this topic as a strong defense against the darkness of this abuse, for we are welcoming more of the same dysfunction and harm.

Christie: 24:12

As was previously mentioned, using the term spiritual abuse has not come without controversy, so let's see what all that hubbub is about. While researching for this particular episode, I came across a report created by the Evangelical Alliance's Theology Advisory Group, who I will hear after refer to as (TAG). They are located in the United Kingdom. During the time of this report, chairperson of TAG was then Reverend Dr David Hillborn. He expressed a few problems with the term spiritual abuse and concluded the group's findings in a report available online for free, called "Reviewing the Discourse of Spiritual Abuse by the Evangelical Alliance. I will also put a link to this in the show notes.

Christie: 25:04

TAG didn't feel like the term spiritual abuse should be used, but rather proposed emotional and psychological abuse in religious contexts. Their issues with the term were that, (quote) the term spiritual implies a full range of religious traditions. Not all religious or Christian denominations have ordained or authorized leaders with a specific divine position. Not all denominations have sacred texts, and some spiritual organizations wouldn't even claim to have a god as part of their belief system.(end quote) This is, in my opinion, a fair point. The term religious certainly is more specific than spiritual. With the term spiritual, while it may also relate to a religious belief, it also is associated with anything affecting the human spirit or soul. Ask any spiritual abuse survivor and they will say the wound cuts that deep. Reverend Dr David Hillborn added that (quote) in our pluralist society it would be presumptuous and unworkable to assume that specifically Christian imperatives could be used as a template for safeguarding guidelines to cover all faiths under the heading spiritual abuse. (End quote). This is an area that I feel will expand, with more and more individuals coming forward saying this spiritual abuse is what I have been experiencing and I personally see the earmarkings of that in Christianity, but also in other faiths, including the Jewish and Muslim community and in individual independent ministries. I will, in my efforts to make this topic more comprehensive, include more information and guests that can speak to those areas with more personal knowledge and experience.

Christie: 27:04

An additional problem TAG identified was in response to some that a suggested spiritual abuse should become a distinct criminal offense. They felt like this would be (quote) "unworkable, discriminatory and would single out religious people for particular state punishment simply because they are religious. This would require legal professionals, police officers and social workers of all faiths and none to make theological judgments about the specifically spiritual aspects of abuse on a case-by-case basis, leading the group to conclude that these judgments couldn't possibly be made by those individuals and if such authority was assumed over theological matters, the implications for religious liberties would be disastrous. End quote. Spiritual abuse, hilborn said, is quote a seriously problematic term, partly because of its own inherent ambiguity and also because attempts by some to embed it within statutory safeguarding discourse and secular law would be unworkable in practice, potentially discriminatory towards religious communities and damaging to interfaith relations. End quote.

Christie: 28:28

In response to TAG's report, blogger Stephen Parsons thought that TAG was suggesting that (quote) the term spiritual abuse should not be used and that, unlike sexual, physical and emotional abuse, spiritual abuse falls outside the definitions offered by the UK legal system. Were to become a legal definition, the report believes it might be used to persecute conservative churches which possess sincerely held beliefs and practices. (End quote). Later in the blog, Parsons wrote quote the fact is this that whether these were or were not criminal or subject to any existing law does not make them any less brutal or painful for those who suffered. (End quote). I cannot agree more, but I do understand the complexities of this particular point.

Christie: 29:31

Critics of this report state that the TAG report demonstrates a lack of understanding of the spiritual aspects of spiritual abuse and the impact and harm caused by spiritual abuse. They felt like the report lacked compassion and input by actual spiritual abuse survivors. For many survivors, it is the definition of spiritual abuse that provides them with the terminology that serves as an initial recognition of what the abuse victims have experienced. Taking away language mutes their voices to a certain extent. Providing the abuse survivors a name like spiritual abuse for the harm that they have been and are enduring is powerful, as it helps to define traits for the abuse they have experienced. That alone can be very liberating.

Christie: 30:29

Chief officers of a group called Replenished Life, which is an independent charity that supports those who have experienced abuse and trauma, concluded that (quote) there is a need for all faith-based organizations to step up to the mark in how they develop healthy cultures which nurture, value, respect and empower all within their community. There is also a need to develop systems to respond well to those that have experienced spiritual abuse and, where necessary, internal systems of justice to discipline perpetrators and ensure lessons are learned in order for the spiritual abuse to be prevented in the future. They went on to conclude that if this does not occur, then it is likely that the pursuit of justice systems within the secular legislative framework will continue and gather momentum, and Replenished feels that by attempting to shut down debate and discussion, by discouraging the use of terminology in relation to spiritual abuse and, in turn, minimizing the experience of the survivors of spiritual abuse, the evangelical alliance are encouraging further momentum and traction to be sought. (End quote). The name preferred by TAG was "emotional and psychological abuse in a religious context instead of spiritual abuse. While that may sound like it reflects the same concepts of spiritual abuse, the group from Replenished brings up an important aspect of why there is a clear difference. They remarked that, quote the spiritual aspect is not just the context, setting or role in which the spiritual abuse is perpetuated, but it is the means by which the abuse is perpetuated, and it is this that causes emotional and psychological harm to be magnified and compounded. Spiritual abuse undermines the whole frame of reference of a person of faith on an emotional, psychological and spiritual basis. This is what causes the deep-seated, long-term and significant harm, not the religious setting. End quote.

Christie: 32:48

While it is important that we carefully examine our terminology and how we proceed forward with defining the term spiritual abuse, the purpose and the goal of this podcast will always be focused back on the abused and the vulnerable. I do believe that TAG of Evangelical Alliance have legitimate concerns and I don't want to make light of those. While getting caught up in the terminology can seem to be about semantics, it can also be a diversion from what really matters. While the term spiritual abuse may have some generalities to it, I believe that it is the best term we have for this issue presently, and if there are any moves to change the term, I pray those that have experienced spiritual abuse first hand are at the forefront of that literary change. While exploring these definitions, one thing becomes increasingly clear God is dishonored through these abusive actions and his message, as a result, gets manure all over it. Our apathy and negligence only contribute to the predator's feast and increase the playground size for the abuser.

Christie: 34:04

Spiritual abuse, as I mentioned in a previous podcast, is often coupled with other forms of abuse, those being that of mental, emotional, physical, sexual, verbal and psychological, and financial abuses. Some of these forms of abuse do carry with them legal, punitive or criminal consequences. Many of them even carry an obligation to report to the authorities. Such is not always the case with spiritual abuse, making every single case unique unto its own. I think we need to make more healthy strides in this area, as leaving a wound to fester only leads to the further possibility of infecting further the wounded, the system, even the spiritually abusive person.

Christie: 34:58

Unfortunately, far too often, many cases of spiritual abuse are coupled with abuses that are criminal in nature. Such yuckiness has darkened the hallways of our religious institutions and spiritual homes. In my opinion, I believe the Church has a moral obligation to be taking the lead on this, not leaving it solely to those outside the Church to take care of. Even the atrocities of abuse are left unchecked within the Church. The outside world has no other choice than to abide by the rule of law when those outside the Church have a higher level of morality regarding abuse than those in it. We have become a sick Church in a need of help and healing. Our credibility of displaying upright moral behavior tanks in favor of our desire to not deal with the abuse at hand or to hide it from the inside and outside world. No one benefits from this action. Our judicial system can only go as far as when a crime is committed For the religious communities that choose not to navigate through a disciplinary pathway for those accused of spiritual abuse. They are denying justice for the spiritually abused and are truly a complacent bystander of the abuse themselves. Beyond that, if the spiritual abuse is not addressed, these other abuses that are criminal in nature seep through the unguarded open door.

Christie: 36:39

While we are defining spiritual abuse, it is important to also include the terms of "religious trauma and religious trauma syndrome. A succinct way to describe religious trauma in relation to spiritual abuse is that one is the act and the other is the result of the act. Spiritual abuse is the act and religious trauma is the result of the act. That's the short version. Religious trauma is defined as a psychological, emotional and sometimes physical stress that individuals experience as a result of harm and abuse within a religious or spiritual context. Religious trauma syndrome, the other term mentioned, is a term coined by Dr Marlene Wainel. She described it as quote a pattern of psychological and emotional symptoms that can come from the result of harmful or abusive religious experiences, often from extended effects of religious indoctrination and the negative impacts that is had on the individual's well-being. We will further explore these terms at a later time.

Christie: 37:57

There is truly a dark underbelly of internal factors with spiritual abuse that cannot be seen. After all, spiritual abuse is an attack on the soul. We can't begin to identify and speak to the internal factors of spiritual abuse unless we ourselves have been a victim or have been given the words from vulnerable survivors who can share from the heart that excruciating pain. How it feels inside the heart and mind of the abused individual, for some would be incomprehensible. Often we can only attest to their testimony. To measure the damaging effects of spiritual abuse can be difficult.

Christie: 38:42

Spiritual abuse can be one of the most damaging forms of abuse due to its attack on one of the most sacred parts of us our soul. Our faith lies at the core of who we are, with our creed serving as a guide in our life. Even our church is like a second home to us, a place where we feel a sense of community we're. Trusting our spiritual leader is almost a given, especially when they speak for our God. Can you see how the cards fall when that faith is shaken by spiritual abuse?

Christie: 39:19

Let's say you were spiritually abused by a spiritual leader. Because of that, your personal faith is challenged. You question whether your faith can be a good guide for your life. You reach out to members of your church community for help or support but get a response you don't expect. They don't believe you, they minimize your abuse, blame you, shun you or encourage you to keep things on the down low so as to not disrupt anything, and you would reach out to the spiritual leader. But what if they were the one that spiritually abused you? Seriously, who's going to believe you? What a mess right?

Christie: 40:02

There is a path forward for this system, however. First, by calling out the abuse when it is recognized. To recognize it, we must acquire education about it that enables us to secondly, identify it. Thirdly, if we do see it and we do know it to be spiritual abuse, we speak up using newly acquired language that is specific to the issues at hand. And lastly, and vitally important, is to actively listen to those that have experienced spiritual abuse first hand, instead of shunning, minimizing or isolating them. Though it is easy to want immediate healing, we often need to acknowledge that this is a marathon process here. If the abuse is deeply embedded in the system or an individual, we can do this, though.

Christie: 40:59

In this podcast, I began the process of defining spiritual abuse. However, part of completing that definition process involves outlining some tactics and behaviors that spiritual abusers use to inflict this harm. These will hopefully bring more clarity to the term spiritual abuse. These behaviors and tactics will be the central focus of upcoming episodes. Please know that I am addressing these with my own hypocritical tendencies to commit any number of these. Personally, I have so much to learn and do better at, so I want to humbly acknowledge that right up front we have all danced with these behaviors. Yet when we know better, hopefully we commit to doing better. I have compiled a list of 12 tactics and behaviors that exist in many instances of spiritual abuse. Each behavior will be the focus of an individual episode. Many of these tactics overlap with each other. Given that fact, isolating them proves to be quite difficult. You will see what I mean once we start dissecting them one by one. I acknowledge this may not be a complete list, but it does capture some of the primary elements of spiritual abuse.

Christie: 42:21

Here is the list of 12 tactics and behaviors of spiritual abuse that will be explored in the upcoming episodes of Soul Bruises Number 1. Deception and Lies. Number 2. Power. Number 3. Control. Number 4. Authority and Distorted Loyalty. Number 5. Indoctrination and Mind Control. Number 6. Twisting the Scriptures. Number 7. Elitism and Spiritual Narcissism. Number 8. Blame and Shame. Number 9. Culture of Fear and Bullying. Number 10. Exploitation, humiliation and Dehumanization. Number 11. Manipulation, coercion, spiritual Gaslighting and Spiritual Bypassing. Number 12. Silence, secrecy and Isolation. As you can see, some are more cut and dry, while others are more ambiguous. Others, as was mentioned before, will easily overlap with others, but they deserve their individual attention. Also Collectively, these insights help us to be better equipped at spotting, stopping and avoiding these actions ourselves Continually.

Christie: 43:47

The major goal of this podcast is to expose, educate and eradicate spiritual abuse once and for all, and that begins by reckoning with the known truths of this cancer. I know this is heavy material, but the fact that you are listening to this now tells me you care about this topic or someone who may be exposed to this behavior. So thank you. Thank you for enduring the uncomfortableness for the sake of the humanity around you. Tates Creek Presbyterian Church's senior pastor, Robert Cunningham, whose own church had gone through accusations of abuse, wrote this in a tweet following his response to the rise of the Me Too movement.

Christie: 44:36

(The Me Too movement was developed to build a community where survivors of sexual assault are heard and believed and supported). Pastor Cunningham wrote this (quote). I say let the stories come, let them all come out. Let every attempt to deflect or defend come to an end. Let us instead listen and learn from the courage of the abused. They are our prophets now, with voices that no longer allow us to hide or ignore this epidemic. Indeed, the overdue purge has begun, and may it not relent until every hidden darkness faces the light of justice. He added, a year later, that I still believe that. Let it all come out, let the purge continue undaunted, even when it's my own church's past that needs purging. (end quote). Such bold and courageous words. We might not be ready for a purge, maybe taking just a few steps in that direction. That's okay, it's a start. Our journey must begin with at least one step in that direction.

Christie: 45:51

Spiritual abuse is real and it happens. It does not know demographics or denominations. Between sound theology and biblical worship, a load of elders are a charismatic leader and a church government with accountability. That does not foolproof any church from the possibility and presence of spiritual abuse. We must be willing to acknowledge it exists, we must see, we must learn what it looks like and then we must act. Author Wade Mullen expressed. (quote) "There is a pattern that accompanies abuse, as if the abusers are somehow reading from the same playbook. If we can learn to decode these evil tactics, if we can learn the language of abuse, we can stop the cycle. We can make abusers less effective at accomplishing destruction in our lives. The ability to identify and describe tactics that were previously unidentifiable and indescribable will restore the power that was taken from you end quote. In the next full length episode we will start to explore the first tactics of deception and lies. Author Wade Mullen's work and subsequent book Something's Not Right provide a valuable resource and perspective regarding this tactic. We will truly come to believe how pervasive deception is throughout the whole issue of spiritual abuse. We'll also learn what wolves have to do with the whole complex narrative. I hope you choose to return for that.

Christie: 47:32

Exploring the definition of spiritual abuse is still being assessed and studied. As you were able to hear in this podcast, there are certainly differing viewpoints from different people on different continents and from different religions and walks of life. That tells me one thing that the existence of these diverse definitions spotlight the quest for an even more precise definition. The material study on this topic is expanding exponentially, highlighting the unfortunate existence of this behavior, but also the desire to understand it better, while a continually growing list of victims of this abuse are still coming forward. I hope their bravery in doing so is waking up others to help lead the charge for a safer environment for them and others in the future. What must not be forgotten in all these definitions and theories, studies and viewpoints are that there are humans on all sides of this matter, broken humans that all deserve our compassion and commitment.

Christie: 48:45

Spiritual abuse is nuanced, varied and complex, making it nearly impossible to create the perfect definition for spiritual abuse. Yet I'm a proponent that we keep trying To stay silent on the matter, minimize its severity or decide that the subject is just too uncomfortable to talk about. It's to ignore an element of church life that is tearing down the church from the inside. Language provides our society with structure and meaning. So many of those studying this matter have working definitions on this issue that are formulating a path moving forward. Integrating their work, along with the voices of the survivors, can lead to a more comprehensive definition plan and, hopefully, a path toward healing, growth and the absence of spiritual abuse.

Christie: 49:40

Psychologist Diane Langberg sums up spiritual abuse so perfectly when she said, (quote) "piritual abuse should be an oxymoron. The word spiritual refers to something affecting a human spirit or soul. Abuse means to mistreat another, to deceive or do harm. When we use the word spiritual to describe abuse, we are talking about using that which is sacred, including God's word, to control, misuse, deceive or damage a person created in his image. I think we can safely say that the pairing of these two words is diabolical. End quote.

Christie: 50:26

If we have any bit of human brokenness, spiritual legalism, a need to be right or in control, we create fertile ground for spiritually abusive behaviors. To grow. Our desire to shed our predatory nature and follow the shepherd will take more than our desire to do so. It will be hard work. It will take looking in the mirror and getting real about the realities of spiritual abuse. It will take wrestling with the language until we get it right. Enduring the heartbreaking stories and experiences will be vital. Engaging in difficult conversations will be paramount to us finding healing. My hope is that you will find spiritual abuse a battle worth fighting, a battle for preserving the inherent value of the humanity around you and restoring the integrity of the community and leadership around you.

Christie: 51:27

Thank you for listening in today. If you have any further thoughts, comments or questions, you can reach out to me, Christie Hodson, through my email soulbruises@ gmail. com, or message me @soulbruises 2023. Or if you wanna go, do your own study on this. I would encourage you to start with an organization such as GRACE. GRACE stands for Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments. They can be reached at netgrace. org. Their mission involves leading others to gain knowledge, to recognize what spiritual abuse is and what we can do to prevent it and respond to it.

Christie: 52:12

Pete Singer, executive Director of Grace, reminds us that, "quote. The work is not easy. It is not quickly finished, but it can be done Through education, consultation and accountability. Grace believes that we can work together for the sake of those who have been abused. We believe this movement can bring about a deep cultural change as the church more closely reflects the heart of God towards children and all people. We long to lift our voices with yours for the sake of those who are vulnerable. Christ calls us to do no less. End quote. We have no time to waste. The stakes are too high. It's time to get to work. This is Christy, and you've been listening to the Soul Bruises podcast. Until we meet again, be human, be kind, be both.