Soul Bruises

Episode 4: Unspoken Soul Wounds

December 01, 2023 • Christie Hodson • Season 1 • Episode 4

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As we start on this journey, I'd like to echo the words of Elie Weisel: "Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." With this episode, we're raising our voices against an oppressor that often goes unnoticed - spiritual abuse. Through personal experiences, insights from experts, and stories of those who've survived, we'll navigate this often misunderstood, but deeply consequential issue. Specifically, we'll examine how the Christian community, the very sanctuary that should foster love and acceptance, can inadvertently become a breeding ground for such abuse. 

In the second half, we bring a ray of hope to those who've been victimized, shedding light on the healing process. The existence of spiritual abuse, much like a bone bruise, might be discernible to only the one who experiences the pain. However, acknowledging the pain is the first step towards healing. Drawing parallels to medical wound debriefment, we'll understand the importance of exposing the injury. We'll disentangle the fear of harming reputations or the church's image, emphasizing that the highest service we can offer to God's kingdom is to ensure it's a safe space for all. Let's journey together in this episode as we work towards glorifying God, strengthening the church, and promoting healing for victims of spiritual abuse.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

Christie Hodson:

Two, three, four. Hey there, friends and fellow soul defenders, my name is Christie and I want to welcome you to Soul Bruises, a podcast devoted to taking a closer look at spiritual abuse, and, as they say here in Maine, I'm wicked glad you decided to take a listen. In this episode, I will briefly explain why this content is so important and why this issue has led me to call this podcast Soul Bruises. Thank you for being here with me and joining me on this journey towards exposing, educating and eliminating spiritual abuse. Welcome to the first full length episode of Soul Bruises. This podcast exists because spiritual abuse exists.

Christie Hodson:

Inspired by a growing group of individuals, I have chosen to join a chorus of humanity that has a desire to contribute to the effort of addressing and combating spiritual abuse. I personally believe that education is a powerful tool for change. Consequently, soul Bruises will use it as a primary tool for sharing information, knowledge and material pertaining to this complicated topic. Throughout this expedition of discovery, I will continually reference experts, authors, educators and those who have first hand experience with this issue. They have a wealth of expertise, gained through their own personal journey that provides a front row seat on this matter. If we choose to listen, you might discover, as you listen, that my words are directed primarily towards my fellow Christians, particularly those presently active in a church community. There is a reason for this. While this podcast is for anyone who wants to learn and understand about spiritual abuse, it is important to acknowledge that my perspective is influenced by the accountability I feel as a member of the Christian church community in addressing and combating spiritual abuse. I am fully aware it is present in other denominations, faiths and creeds, in other environments, including that of the home, the school and the workplace. I believe it is vitally important that, if the Christian community is professing to follow Christ, that it is time we start taking responsibility and accountability and expose the harm we have done in our churches, our communities and to those outside our church in the name of Christ.

Christie Hodson:

I know I am not alone in noticing an increasing number of people enduring significant pain and suffering at the hands of other humans. I too am guilty of this offense. What takes these actions to another level is the harm being committed under the banner of. Thus saith the Lord, what hypocrites we are. Abuse is wrong, regardless of any holy justification we might give it.

Christie Hodson:

As a lifelong Christ follower and active churchgoer, I have grown increasingly weary of watching harm occur in our spiritual communities. I can no longer pretend church harm isn't happening or feeding myself the delusional fact that spiritual abuse isn't a cancer pervasively metastasizing within and outside the church. It has brought me to this moment. Instead of watching as souls are bruised and sane are doing nothing, I have decided to ignore the uncomfortableness of this topic and use my passionate energy to defend those whose souls are being crushed. I am reaching out to any fellow soul defenders out there that possess the same conviction. Your voice and support matter and are greatly needed.

Christie Hodson:

When I first started to tackle this topic, I realized I had so much to learn, so I set out to research everything I could on the topic. This led me to many books, articles, documentaries, dissertations, podcasts, conferences, lectures, blogs, discussions and so on. In doing so, I realized spiritual abuse was so much more rapid than I had originally thought. I also realized that if I was going to combat this, I needed to go much deeper than just acquiring knowledge about it.

Christie Hodson:

Spiritual abuse is deeply wounding countless souls. It is disrupting lives, eroding relationships and heartbreakingly pushing many to turn away from God, the church and each other. While the church's focus of success may be measured through the metrics of memberships and baptisms. There are wounded people silently limping out the back door, broken from the treatment inside. We can no longer in good conscience turn a blind eye to this matter. Spiritual abuse is truly remarkable how naming something breathes life into its existence, unveiling its power and impact.

Christie Hodson:

In the upcoming episode I will get more in depth with the history of the term spiritual abuse and numerous perspectives on how it is defined. So stay tuned. I personally had never heard of the term spiritual abuse, but boy had I seen it. As I explained in my introduction to this podcast, it was when I saw the profound harm caused by spiritual abuse to people I deeply, deeply love and care for. That something convinced me I had to take action. In doing that, I knew I must truly understand what spiritual abuse is. I determined to personally not perpetuate spiritual abuse and dedicated myself to educating others to abstain from the harmful practice of spiritual abuse. Also, Michael J Kruger in his most recent book "Bully Pulpit, stated that quote anyone who thinks spiritual abuse is a minor problem has not reckoned with a documented devastation. End quote. Unfortunately, due to the abundance of sufficient and compelling evidence, podcast host Julie Royce diligently dedicates herself to the difficult and important task of exposing abusers through the public domain of her podcast platform, the Royce Report. She is a true crusader on these matters. Royce is pouring light onto the darkness of spiritual abuse by these public revelations.

Christie Hodson:

There are other voices out there, writing, blogging, podcasting, vlogging on TikTok or Instagram and speaking publicly. Why would I add to that? That's a good question and one I've asked myself throughout this process. To the point I have on more than one occasion considered just letting others speak. My belief is that the more voices on this matter, the better, truth be told. I personally couldn't stay silent any longer, driven by the pain and hurt unsettled by the enabling and lack of accountability. I'm done playing the charade of holiness, hearing those who have had horrific experiences or something was done to them and they were not believed and no help came for them, especially from the church. It felt personal. My conscience would not allow me to sit on the sidelines any longer. Countless voices of abuse are silenced by shame, excommunication, shunning, non-disclosure agreements, slander and some tragically silenced by suicide. Victims are being silenced and I am staying silent, and the abusers are silenced. Reflecting on this truth, I knew we had a problem. Mirroring the iconic phrase spoken by an astronaut during the Apollo 13 mission when he urgently called out, Houston we have "a problem. It is time for a collective wake-up call within the church to acknowledge that we, the church, have a problem.

Christie Hodson:

It is critical that we face this challenge head-on In the process of exposing spiritual abuse. We can no longer dress it up in church clothes and sanitize it. This topic is far too important for that nonsense. It is my opinion that that may be what we are inadvertently doing when we minimize, through language, church harm to be just church hurt. I know some will consider it just semantics, but hear me out. Hurt produces pain, that's for certain, and we certainly hurt one another through what we say or do or how we act toward one another. This can happen through a misunderstanding or a difference of opinion, but harm, that's different. Harm produces damage and it's the process of causing trauma on another human soul. Spiritual abuse is not church hurt, it is church harm. Regardless, we must expose spiritual abuse and all its ugliness to unveil the repulsive nature of it.

Christie Hodson:

It causes soul wounds that cannot heal without a process, just as a wound cannot truly heal unless it goes through the process of debridement, exposing the soul wounds caused by spiritual abuse provides an opportunity for the wound, the survivors and even a church or religious community to embark on a healing journey. It's imperative to have a soul wound debridement. The medical process of wound debridement is focused on finding a way to heal the wound. When you get a cut that causes a wound, our bodies initiate a process of healing. Obstacles to that healing are dead tissue and debris, yes, debris! Wound debridement involves the removal of that dead tissue and any debris that may be found in or around the wound site. This process can involve sharp surgical instruments or medicine placed on the wound bed to break down and remove dead tissue. These medicines work alongside the body's healing processes to enhance healing. Wound debridement is an important step in the overall healing process, especially for those with chronic wounds or those whose healing process is slowed by any factors. It is both an ugly and beautiful process, but a necessity for healing.

Christie Hodson:

Spiritual abuse can systematically permeate an individual, a family, a church and an entire community. Consequently, because of this, it often evolves into a systemic problem, one in which you can heal individual parts, but to truly heal the entire system, we often have to come to the realization that the entire system is likely infected. The disease of spiritual abuse has entered the bloodstream of the organization, has taken up residence and has likely caused an illness. That's a sobering thought. I know there is hope for healing, but it requires, first and foremost, to acknowledge that there is a problem.

Christie Hodson:

Merely mentioning the topic of spiritual abuse, let alone bringing it into the light, makes many people feel uncomfortable, and for valid reasons. It's ugly, it's embarrassing. It encovers what many want to keep hidden. However, with wounds that desperately need healing and souls that need defending, we simply cannot ignore or minimize it. We cannot commit to this cause halfway. We have to be all in, preferably all of us all in. We believe that by exposing spiritual abuse, we will create problems to the church establishment or to the denomination one is affiliated with. Author Ann Lamott, after speaking to a victim, wrote this (quote) "you own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. End quote. We haven't, as a body, been behaving well. We are wounded, in a need of healing.

Christie Hodson:

A significant roadblock has been the strong belief that exposing an abusive spiritual leader will tarnish their assumed godly reputation or that somehow exposing their abusive behavior will harm the church and its integrity and impede the process of God's mission. A powerful belief that merely shedding light on the issue will somehow tarnish God's good name. I would like to challenge that. It does the exact opposite. If there is compelling, chronic and objective evidence of abuse occurring and we as a church are failing to collectively denounce that harm and abuse, then we are sitting at the potluck table with it, partaking in the very harm we should be rejecting and serving it up as food for others. Our lack in exposing the darkness leads us to be in league with it. Yet we must, if we are going to expose it, exercise caution in our efforts to expose patterns of objective and chronic behaviors that are rooted in control, coercion and the exploitation of spiritual authority through manipulative tactics for the abusers' own selfish gain. Author Ken Blue wrote. (Quote). "We must not turn our concern with spiritual abuse into a Salem witch hunt of our time. End quote. It is absolutely vital to have objective facts and also be educated on what patterns of behavior led to spiritual abuse so that we can recognize it and call it out when we see it. We must educate ourselves. My greatest desire with this podcast is to glorify God, is to strengthen the church and is to create an environment where the victims are heard, believed and can find healing. I believe if the church takes this mindset, it can be strengthened by a taking care of our fellow sheep mentality Collectively. I believe, with that mindset, that we can build a stronger faith, a stronger church, a stronger community and create a place that is absent of soul-rushing harm.

Christie Hodson:

You might be wondering why the name Soul Bruises. Spiritual abuse in so many ways causes the most damage to the human soul, that innermost part of what makes us who we are. Some have defined spiritual abuse with the provocative language of the rape of the soul. Melinda Jensen, in her article Spiritual Rape wrote quote A wounded soul rarely heals completely. To do so, it requires the other sacred human beings to help pick up the pieces and paste it back together again with compassion and the gentleness of love. It requires non-judgment from its fellow beings for the tattered state it knows itself to be in. Bruising happens when blood pools under the skin from a traumatic injury. It leaves a mark, can take a while to heal and in some cases can be extremely serious. Comparatively, spiritual abuse can cause an internal wound, create an injury that can leave a mark, take time to heal and is extremely serious.

Christie Hodson:

Have you ever experienced a bone bruise? I'm a first-rate klutz and was running late to a play when I tripped in the aisle, heading body first toward the stationary theater seats. I was able to catch myself with my arms, but not without consequences. Though I didn't break anything, I gained multiple bruises on my body from the collision with immovable objects. Among them, and by far the worst, was a bone bruise I received on my thumb. For weeks and months I realized because of the nagging pain how much I used the thumb of my non-dominant hand turns out a lot. Numerous times I scolded myself for being so clumsy in the first place to even sustain the injury. Other times I thought shoot, maybe I should go get this checked out by the doctor, get an x-ray or something, and thought of some various remedies, from a thumb brace to pain-relieving cream, even took ibuprofen a few times. The pain persisted. It was that type of pain that wasn't bad enough to seek medical attention, but just enough to stubbornly nag me for the next six months. I don't know what you think about when you think of a bruise, but I often get that visual of the black and blue and then later, as it fades the yellows and the greens. Yet not all bruises present in this visually overt way. Bone bruises are a lot like bruises of the soul they can't always be seen on the outside, yet so often they take a significant amount of time to heal.

Christie Hodson:

Spiritual abuse is both complicated and complex. It is frequently interwoven with physical, sexual, mental, verbal, psychological, emotional and financial abuses. The combinations of these forms of abuse can exacerbate the consequences, elevating the combination to a profound level of harm. Spiritual abuse possesses a unique nature in that it can be committed without a crime occurring or immediate punitive consequences. However, it would be naive to think that spiritual abuse is an isolated problem or underestimate the importance of needed repercussions or accountability. It would also be profoundly irresponsible to allow spiritual abuse to continue, regardless of whether someone should be arrested or not. There is no tighter prison than the one surrounding victims of abuse of any kind or combination thereof.

Christie Hodson:

Whether you are a believer or a non-believer or somewhere in between, regardless of whether you attend, previously attended or do not currently attend church, you have most likely experienced spiritual or religious abuse by someone in some way, on some level, in some place at some time. To those that do believe in God. My greatest desire in talking about spiritual abuse is to represent God in a way that focuses on Him and not us. As followers of Christ, and for the many that call themselves Christians, we have a responsibility to represent the character and love of Christ to others, not only to our neighbors, but also to those we may not like. Where our heart is is often exhibited by the fruits of that belief. Are we taking care of our fellow flock, our neighbors, those we may not agree with? The actions shown toward others say a lot about who we are serving. Who. Are we serving Ourselves at the expense of others, or Christ?

Christie Hodson:

For those that don't believe in God and have experienced the harmful effects of spiritual abuse, I am deeply sorry and apologize from the bottom of my heart. The Christian Church and I as a member of it, have shown, and continue to show, ugliness in the form of spiritual abuse. We can do better. We must do better. When we spiritually abuse, our actions do not reflect the character of Christ or His love. For that I am profoundly sorry. Licensed therapist Andrew Krebs, expressed in a letter to the Church, summarized that (quote)" mere apologies without seeking accountability for the harm caused by the Church or oneself would only perpetuate further abuse. (End quote). So, while we may be truly contrite and may leave an apology on that doorstep, but don't commit to making changes inside, we hold a degree of responsibility for the behaviors within the walls of the Church. We can start the rehabilitation process by acknowledging there is a problem, stop minimizing it, hiding it or justifying the abuse, so restoration and healing can come to all those affected, including the Church. The religious community struggles with this issue internally, so it does not surprise me that we also struggle with it beyond the confines of the Church building.

Christie Hodson:

Regardless of one's faith or beliefs, I wholeheartedly believe that the majority of people recognize that abuse is not the actions that glorify God or show love to our fellow man, but spiritual abuse is very nuanced and complex. I believe at the heart of most believers is not a desire to harm or to be spiritually abusive. However, we would be remiss to deny we have evil within our midst. Because we do. This evil is causing profound and seemingly irreparable harm to both those inside and outside the Church. We have the capability to do better and we must. Writer-professor, author, political activist, nobel Laureate and Holocaust survivor Elie Weisel was quoted as saying quote I swore never to be silent whenever human beings endured suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Nobody helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere, end quote. So I will be taking a side, as will the heart of this podcast. Soul bruises will take the side of the victim, the oppressed and the abused. Soul bruises will give a voice to the silenced and encourage others to speak up for the voiceless, giving them the credibility they so greatly deserve.

Christie Hodson:

It isn't easy talking about spiritual abuse, but isn't addressing what is harming God in humanity more important? All church structures are built, but isn't it the people that are the church? There is a religious nursery rhyme many learned growing up that went like this "here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors and see all the people Close the doors and listen to them pray. Open the doors and they all walk away At the hands of spiritual abuse. We risk the verse going like this here is the church, here is the steeple. Wait, where are all the people? Quick, close the doors. Why are they all walking away? Those that attend church are most likely going to worship God, yet it seems because our focus is more on us and what we want, that we have represented a God to others that they're not sure they want to get to know. Our earthly churches have been a haven for some, but a danger zone for others.

Christie Hodson:

This issue requires our immediate attention, and to ignore any longer is unacceptable. Perhaps acknowledging this topic is most uncomfortable for those of us who are spiritual or religious. Why would that be? Probably because we're the most susceptible to becoming either a perpetrator or a victim of this type of abuse. All the more reason to stand up and fight. Religion can challenge our egos and our vulnerabilities. Are we able to set aside our insatiable need to be right or ignore the scary thought of uttering the words? I don't know. What about the obligation we feel to a particular set of beliefs that can be so strong that we weaponize God's word for the purpose of controlling others? Because of that love affair with our religious dogma? Who is truly being served by this behavior? Honest questions with often painful answers.

Christie Hodson:

Each of us play a part in the prevention and cure of spiritual abuse. It will be hard and vulnerable work, but well worth the commitment. The message of God's love and the love for humanity depends on it. The health of a church depends on it. Lastly, and equally important, the health of an abuse victim depends on it. I will leave you with this quote from Diane Langberg, who is an internationally recognized psychologist and counselor with almost 50 years of experience. Diane speaks about trauma and abuse all over the world. In her book "Redeeming Power, understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church, she wrote, quote Every culture, even the culture of Christendom, is developed by people who are broken. Awareness of this foundational truth ought to result in great humility as we consider our cultures and underlying assumptions. End quote. So, with great humility, I say To those abused, shunned or silenced I see you and I acknowledge you. To those isolated, humiliated or unbelieved I hear you and I believe you. And to those manipulated, exploited or marginalized by spiritual abuse I love you and I validate you.

Christie Hodson:

In the upcoming episode of Soul Bruises, we're going to slowly peel back the layers of what is spiritual abuse, what are its characteristics and how does it manifest itself. I will work on dissecting each part very carefully, cautiously and compassionately. Then I will start to address the spiritual tactics and behaviors of spiritual abuse. How does spiritual abuse inch its way into our institutions and, most destructively, into our hearts? Learning to understand spiritual abuse behaviors and characteristics can help us to discover how it prevents us from truly getting to know Christ and the beautiful human beings around us. As a member of a church and a denomination, I sincerely hope that we can come together in these settings and unite on this matter, rejecting spiritual abusive behaviors to fester among us. We need to establish safe environments to those around us, transforming our places of worship into true sanctuaries within sanctuaries.

Christie Hodson:

I mentioned a few people in this episode. Author Michael Kruger's book "Bully Pulpit just came out this past year. I'll be mentioning more about his work in a future episode. Author Ken Blue's work on spiritual abuse has spanned several decades. Author Ann Lamott has written numerous books. When she shares her insights and thoughtful reflections, it always seems to be something quite profound. I included a quote by Andrew Krebs who, along with being a therapist, is also a podcaster, joining with his co-host, dr Laura Anderson, to talk about the many aspects around the topic of religious trauma. Their podcast is called Sunday School Dropouts. Dr Anderson is also an author of a brand new book called when Religion Hurts you.

Christie Hodson:

Julie Roys is a veteran investigative reporter whose work to expose the behavior of spiritual abusive leaders on her podcast, the Roy's Report, has not come without a cost of hate and vitriol toward her. She presses on regardless. The Roy's Report has sponsored its third conference, called "Restore, on the Campus of Judson University in Illinois. They are completely dedicated to the topic of spiritual abuse. It is a place where survivors, educators, leaders or truly anyone interested can gather to educate and enrich themselves on how to combat the issue of spiritual abuse, with the purpose of healing the victims, restoring the church and God's message. And then Ellie Weisel, whose time in the concentration camps cannot even be fathomed by so many of us, and the wisdom he gained and shared with us has been immeasurable. Lastly, diane Langberg, whose work in the field of trauma has been transformational. Her book Redeeming Power has been such an extraordinary resource on the issue of spiritual abuse. I highly recommend her work. Yet out of all the voices out there on this topic, I imagine the victims of this abuse are the most profound teachers among us. The toxicity of the abuse of sacred human beings around us needs to wake us up into taking every effort to bring into the light that which craves the darkness.

Christie Hodson:

Thank you for sharing these past few minutes with me. I appreciate your willingness to at least listen to what I have to say regarding spiritual abuse. Maybe you're already thinking of someone who you know has been spiritually abused. Maybe that someone is yourself. Finally, if you want to reach out to me, have any questions, share your insights or just simply have something to share Again, my name is Christie Hodson. You can reach me by email at the address of soulbruises@gmail. com, or message me on Instagram @SoulBruises2023. This is Christie, and you've been listening to the Soul Bruises podcast. Until next time, be human, be kind, be both.

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Christie Hodson

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